Smother Me, Again
by EvaMawesome7
Summary: Post 11x05. Callie wants freedom. Arizona gives it to her. They go their separate ways. Will they find happiness apart?


**Smother Me, Again**

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Grey's Anatomy and/or any of the characters in it. All rights belong to ABC, the producers of Grey's Anatomy and Shonda Rhimes. I do not own any rights to Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

**Made for entertainment purposes only.**

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Prologue

_Is._

It's a difficult word. More so than any other word. Perhaps because it's so small. Or because it's so definite.

_So _Absolute_._

Yes. That's it - _Absolute._

There is no white. No black. No green or pink. Just certainty. And that's the scariest color of all.

Most of us, we like to swim in those shades of gray; we like to laugh huddled safely in glittering hues of ambiguity and to dance in drunken lines between Yeses and No's and Love and Hate all the while pretending it's as real as arithmetic. We want to hold our breath and close our eyes and jump off the bridge screaming for the _Maybe_ to leap out of thin air and catch us.

That is the reason an absolute feels so foreign. It's solid, and it's sudden. Like a gunshot.

"I don't want to do it anymore"

Arizona heard it. A soft thud. Like a fist against her stomach.

Callie went on. She cried but she went on. Because she had things to say and saying them felt good. Talking to Arizona hadn't felt this good in a long time.

"I want so much more than this. More than being stuck with somebody who feels stuck"

Callie heard it too though – that _thud._ She heard the scream. Heard it like a raw open wound shrieking under salty rain. And so eventually all that noise and all that salt in the small dark room came up to her throat and she couldn't breathe anymore.

"I want you to feel free too"

Her fingers trembled and the words were out of her now. Out into the world for everybody to listen to.

She was restless and miserable and excited all at once and she just wanted to get out. To jump up and run out and start afresh.

And so Callie wordlessly begged for it. Begged for Arizona to just say it, to say her part and free her once and for all. To break her from the shackles. So she could leave. So she didn't have to look back. Her chest ached and she wanted it to stop_._

So she wrung her fingers together until the sun went down and came up again and she stayed still and held her breath but nothing happened. The clock hadn't ticked yet. That hot room was just as stuffy as yesterday, and the day before that, and a month before that. A scrambled, musty hush drowning her slowly.

Because Arizona wouldn't say a word. She just sat there. She watched her; selfish and clueless.

Callie knew she was being smothered. Smothered by this woman she barely recognized anymore. The lamps around the room felt darker and the air was stale and Arizona just fucking sat there watching.

Everything about this awful feeling suddenly felt familiar. As familiar as the lines on her palm. Nothing had changed.

Except of course… the _absolute_.

You see, that's the magical thing about absolutes. You say them and then they guide you – it can go two ways – instant regret, or instant relief.

That's the only thing that made Callie let go of that air she was holding on to. It's what gave her feet the courage to stand up and to walk out of there. Walk _away_ from there.

_Relief._

She moved slowly at first, stumbling, but then she walked faster, taller.

And as she ran through the doors and through the hallways and out the stifling hospital into the cold night air – she knew it – she knew there was light now.

Her face was wet and she was crying and out of breath. Except, she was smiling too.

Light at the end of the tunnel, that's what she saw.

_Freedom – _it's like a kiss. It shows itself in so many ways and forms sometimes you don't even know it's what you are experiencing. It can be so tender you want to cry, or so callous you want to fight.

Nonetheless, when you identify it, when your wrists aren't tied anymore and there is no hand covering your mouth, freedom is an extraordinary thing. Because when the dust settles and you open your eyes, objects appear clearer, more rational.

Arizona was unable to move, and Callie unable to stop – that's where they were at. _Free._ Free in wreckage and free in hope but they both were free now.

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**A/N: **Is it worth pursuing? The story is complex and juicy and I can't get my mind off it. But as a rule – I won't start uploading the chapters until I'm finished with Reese's Cups – because that one is a very emotionally demanding story and I can't write two at once.

However, I just had to get this out. The most recent Calzona Storyline has so much fertile ground and so much potential for a full-blown authentic Grey's Anatomy kind of story. It was inspiring enough to write on.

So, tell me – should I brainstorm more for this one? (_After_ Reese's Cups).

Let me know!


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